Overcoming fears

Normally, I am relatively fearless. Well, at least I say I am fearless and force myself to tackle activities that I am relatively frightened of, like jumping out of a perfectly good airplane, giving a presentation to hundreds of people, or riding the SheiKra at Busch Gardens. The worst part is forcing myself over the edge--the rest is always an amazing rush! Thursday I presented to hundreds of parents. and for the first time without taking something to soothe my nerves... I wish I had taken something-- I'm not as comfortable as I thought. Yesterday I rode the SheiKra. For those of you unfamiliar, this is the nations first "dive coaster". The SheiKra carries riders up 200 feet at 45 degrees, then hurtles them 70 mph back toward the ground at a 90-degree angle!! Yes, that is straight down and when you ride in the front the view is torturous, especially when your heart beats out of your chest, your palms are sweaty, you didn't take any Xanax, or have a single beer (because it was a middle school field trip), and you tell yourself that you're not scared-- but you are. I survived the ride and stayed on for a second round. But, I still can't figure out why I panic first, and why I do this to myself.